A fly is buzzing incessantly around your head – how do you react? Your partner doesn’t listen to you when you share something – how do you react? Your computer freezes during a critical moment – how do you react? In situations like these, it’s common for frustration to build up and for people to lash out or storm away.
While understandable, it can quickly become exhausting and unpleasant to be emotionally swayed by every unwanted disruption in your day. Imagine how great it would be if we could go through life not letting things get to us? To not be stressed out by insignificant and fleeting events or the careless words and actions of others. A key step to achieving this is building the habit of non-reactivity.
Exercising non-reactivity is a powerful way of living a calmer and more content life. It is learning to let go and not being upset when things don’t go your way. To be clear, non-reactivity is not the same as being unresponsive or emotionless – it’s important to have healthy emotional-wellbeing and natural to get angry or frustrated at times. Practising non-reactivity simply helps us become aware of our reactions so we can better control them instead of being swayed by external stimuli.
Non-reactivity in action
Frustration, and subsequent reaction, is mostly grounded in our need for control. Whenever we lose control, or something does not respond in the way we desire (such as a laptop that crashes) it’s instinctive to react aggressively (by throwing it out the window) to relieve our stress.
We are biologically hardwired to survive, react to and repel those things that threaten us. In the modern world, this has extended to our ego and ideas of who we are. It is the basis of unnecessary arguments and where non-reactivity can be especially powerful. If you ever find yourself spiralling into an argument just consider – will you gain anything from winning the argument other than protecting your ego or having the satisfaction of making the other person concede? For most petty arguments you probably won’t, so unburden yourself of the emotional turmoil of engaging in it. Let the other person have their way if the outcome hardly matters.
Learning to be comfortable with not always being in control and subduing our ego will help us exercise non-reactivity. A big ask and one that will take time and practice.
Something I find helpful to ‘reset’ in frustrating situations is taking one long deep breath. This action of pausing and calming myself helps me see the situation more clearly and prevents any unnecessary outburst. The more you catch yourself, the less reactive you will become and the generally less annoyed or frustrated you’ll be with life. Don’t let the little things get to you and the big things won’t either.
I challenge you
Next time you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, catch yourself before you have an outburst. Stop and take a deep breath. See if you can let go or overlook the source of the irritation. Make a mental note of the trigger and your automatic response so you can more easily see it coming next time.
Keep practising this and in time you’ll find yourself feeling calmer, kinder, and more content.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Viktor Frankl
Thanks Yash, really interesting piece!
Thank you!